Cowboy rules:

Arizona,Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho, Oklahoma, and Texas

and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like and idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head aint' crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road'. I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow I drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out to the way...

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it?

5. So you have a $60,000 car . We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly Try to understand the concept.

7. ...If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasant/ducks/doves are comin' in during the hunts, we Will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer and elk. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That applies to all women, regardless of age.

11. No,there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. order steak, or you can order the chef's salad
and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and bread. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, Yeah....We don't care what you foks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat. IT Ain't REAL CHILI!

13 You can bring a 'Coke' in my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankess, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But we don't hit the water hazards- it spooks the fish

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1.